What are you going to do?

I announced my retirement from pastoral ministry

A week after Easter I announced my impending retirement. Actually, I asked the chair of the congregation’s board to read a brief statement advising that after what will be 35 years, most of it as a full-time pastor in the United Church of Canada, I am retiring at the end of 2024.

A common question since has been, “What are you going to do?”

Because many of those who ask are themselves retired, I sometimes respond, “I’ve never been retired. What do you do?”

I’ve realized that beneath my visceral discomfort with the question, and the resulting snarkiness of my answer, there was an actual point trying to surface.

There is more to me than my job.

In ministry we’re taught to think of our work as a calling, a vocation. These oh so serious words suggest what we do is more important than who we are. The dark underside of that notion is a person conditioned to think of themselves as a pastor, may feel they are nothing without an official role.

I recognize this is not unique to the church world. Many people at the end of their professional careers struggle with their sense of identity and purpose, whatever their job may have been.

I’ve had chats lately with police officers nearing the end of their careers, and with some who’ve had their professional lives cut short by disability, and I feel a kinship.

There is a particular challenge to living out a calling in contexts in which some, if not all people see you primarily, or totally as the role in which you serve.

For 35 years the pastor persona has provided a way for this essentially introverted, and often self-doubting person to enter a room, and relate to other humans. What will it be like, in just a few months, to navigate the world without it?

I guess I’ll find out.

In the mean time, I’ve been thinking it may be important to shift more of my sense of self from “doing” to “being”.

There are things I’d like to remind myself to “be”.

Grateful. I’ve had the opportunity to be gainfully employed all these years, doing work I enjoy, and that matters to me, when many others have struggled to make a living.

Mindful. I remind myself that many people in our world do not have the option of retiring in their early 60’s, if at all.

Contemplative. It will do me good to pay attention to the learnings available in this liminal time, this transition from fully employed to retired.

Creative. In the last decade I have delved deeper into writing. There is the possiblity of a new persona, as author, that has some appeal. Deeper than that, there is the delight of discovering and using a talent, and having the satisfaction of making things.

Active. My wife asked me to join her for a walk this morning, at 7 am. Today is a day off from work, and I felt the freedom to accept the invitation, without worrying about a pile of tasks and expectations that needed to be addressed.

This is only a partial list. I’d love to hear suggestions of other good things to be.